Monday, August 27, 2012

I don't run away from my problems... I just give them plenty of space.

I ran away this weekend and it felt great. Was it the right thing to do? Eh... initially, probably not. Now that I am on the other side of it. It was exactly what I needed.
Now, I am not an advocate for running away from your problems. It doesn't matter how far you run, they will always be there. No matter what. But, sometimes giving yourself space is the better thing to do. 
Things had been piling up for me over the last couple months. I was feeling as if every aspect in my life was a little out of my control and I had no way to reign it back in. I moved back into my parents basement; I was juggling feelings for a couple guys; I had a rift with a family member that I had no idea how to mend; work responsibilities were piling up; looming responsibilities were threatening to break me and I was having trouble managing my time. Not to mention, there was always the ever present internal pressure from myself to be able to accomplish it all. (Unrealistic, I know, but we all do it.)
Through a casual conversation with a friend they invited me to come visit them. Here was my big break and I jumped on it. I cleared my schedule and made plans to run away. 
They live in Henderson Nevada and so we went into Las Vegas on Saturday to just "see the sites", gamble a couple bucks, eat some good food, and see a show (Le Reve, go see it, it is incredible!).  Now, if you have been to the strip, I don't really need to go into much detail. This place never changes. Every time I leave there, I am always thankful for showers. I found myself admiring some of the architecture of the buildings and the beauty of some of the places, but then I turn around and the Latino in the fluorescent colored shirt is trying to hand me a card of a naked lady. 
I was with great, positive friends and my overall experience was good which was a great balance to the sadness that overwhelmed me while I was there. So what was it about Vegas that changed my perspective on the things going on in my life... I contemplated that on the 6ish hour drive back to Utah. 
Perspective. I needed a change in perspective. My life isn't so bad. Actually, quite the opposite. I have an incredible life. Some of the people I witnessed just made my heart ache. I could tell that they had lived a hard life. I wanted to help them so bad, but I couldn't, because there was nothing I could do for them. Yeah, maybe I could toss them a couple bucks, but would that REALLY change anything?
Ultimately, they are responsible for what they do with their lives and how they live it... and this is the thought that struck me so deeply and changed my perspective. That exact same rule applies to me. I am responsible for what I do with my life, the choices I make, how happy I am, who I choose to spend my time with, what I let upset me, what I let make me happy... My life is my responsibility and I am going to choose to end up happy. 
So I am home now and my problems are still in full force and knocking at my door, but at least now I have a better perspective on what I want in the long run and how I am going to approach each one of them. Bring it on. :)