Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Something To Rival The Blob

*WARNING* This post contains descriptions and explanations of snot, or in other words Grossness. If you are at all perturbed or grossed-out by such things, do not read!! And it takes place in a bathroom so other things are mentioned, but dont worry, nothing too explicit. I was advised not to share this story, but it is sooo classic that I just couldn't let it sit in my head as an awful memory. You have been warned, and as always, don't judge me. :)

So last night I spent the night at my brother and sister-in-laws house to babysit the kids. And since I had to work this morning I took all of my supplies to get ready at their house so I could just leave straight from there. I have recently been plagued with a head cold that has caused much discomfort, but not enough for me to excuse myself from work. So as we all know, with head colds comes congestion, and with congestion comes, mucous or for lack of a better word, snot. Not pretty, I know, but we will get to that in a minute.

So to set the story off, I was designated to use the bathroom that is shared by the kids, and the new addition to the family, the rabbit. A kiddy-gate is set up in the doorway to keep the fluffy critter in the bathroom, but makes for a slight inconvenience when wanting to use the loo, but nothing major. Last night, I used the bathroom and pretty much the last of the toilet paper, assuming that there would be more in the closet for tomorrow morning. I readied myself for bed, drank some Thera-flu to help me sleep and drifted into an uncomfortable sleep due to the fact that my airway was only working 30% of its normal capacity. When I woke up this morning, very groggy from lack of sleep, I dragged myself up to the bathroom because the Thera-flu had indeed made it through my system, though I hadn't felt the effects. As I sat there, almost falling back to sleep, a vague recollection of using the last of the toilet paper the night before came to mind. I instantly looked at the roll..........empty........I was somehow thinking the magic toilet paper fairy had come during the night and put a new roll on for me. Well, now I was in an awkward situation.......either drip dry, or use the the cardboard roll.........cardboard won out. Like I said, dont judge me. After, I looked in the closet, much to my dismay, no toilet paper. So I continued to get ready as usual.
By the time I was flat ironing my hair, my sniffles had risen to an annoying level. I knew I had tissues in my truck so I could just wait another 20 minutes and I could properly blow my nose. But, apparently my nose couldn't wait, it wasnt much longer that I started to feel the all too familiar tale-tale signs of a sneeze coming on, the popping of sinuses, the tickle at the back of the nose, a sudden urge to close your eyes and wave your hands at your face. Before I knew it, I had sneezed and MAN, was it a sneeze! I could breathe again! But I could also feel the "blockage" slowly dripping down towards my lips. Now, I am completely DISGUSTED by snot and boogers(however you spell it) especially when it is my own. I sat there in shock looking at myself in the mirror experiencing my own personal hell, thats the best way to describe it. Who knew that much could be stored in my nose?! I quickly stepped over the kiddy-gate to check the kitchen to see if any paper towels or tissues were available to assist me, which, you guessed it, there weren't any, or at least not where I could see. I dashed back into the bathroom, almost tripping on the kiddy-gate this time in my haste. I opened the closet once more to see if maybe I had missed a secretly stashed roll of toilet paper, or one of the kids old homework assignments, ANYTHING that could take care of this bane that was ever slowly making its way further down my face. I briefly looked at the rabbit, who gave me a pleading look of "Please not me!" It only took half a second to realize that would be too messy, and really weird. I turned around to again be face-to-face, literally since I was looking in the mirror, with that disgusting creature that was taking over. In a last minute desperate attempt to rid myself of it, I turned the faucet on full blast and washed the goo from my face before it sucked the life out of me. It took me several washes of my face and hands to finally feel somewhat clean. Can I just tell you, I really hate being sick.