Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Haters... What are they good for?

You guessed it, absolutely nothin. I realize my last post was a little angst ridden and bitter and after some self reflection, I realize, really, my situation isn't that bad. So I move on now with a more uplifting topic of the wide variety of Haters.
Now I know there are some things that just drive me crazy and I can't stand like... The Bachelor, Gretchen Wilson, and people who drive slow in the fast lane, but it doesn't matter how much I dislike them, I would never go to say, a Gretchen Wilson Fan Forum just to throw rude comments around or make fun of people who like her. Thats not my style. Rather I write about how much I hate them in blog form. 
What I am trying to get at here is why is it that some people feel the need to be so hateful against one subject that they make it their mission to tell as many people or shove on as many forums as they can just how ridiculous "said" subject is? I don't get it. I get hating things. But why be so antagonistic? 
Specifically I see this come out around election time because so many people think that there is only one right person who has THE right answer and so any one who thinks differently or is choosing a different candidate is ignorant and stupid. I just don't get it. And I don't know if there is a solid answer. 
(Yes, the picture is a little dramatic, but it gets the point across.)
Its as complex as politics and human emotions, its as simple as preferences in soda and what kind of movies you like to watch. We saw it with the Civil Rights movement, we see it now with Gay Rights. I see it on facebook, I see it on blogs, I see it on the news. People who instigate this hatred, only breed more of it. Think about it, if someone comes at you with a condescending remark about something you love, or even like for that matter, you instantly get defensive, which immediately takes both parties off an even discussion board. Neither of you will be able to tell the other which is the right or wrong answer, because you both think you have the right answer. 
I really don't have much of a point with this post, just more of a hope that even though we all love different things, can't we all just get along? And maybe, just maybe, that person who sees something else as important or of worth, is just a cool as us, they just choose to like something different. 

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Is it too much to ask?

Here I am at the end of another saturday night. I went to a movie with some friends, laughed a ton, completely enjoyed myself and came home smiling. By most standards that would account for an exceptional evening right? Then why am I sitting here blogging with a bunch of questions and complaints running through my head.
Now to up the stakes here, I was the only female in the bunch with 3 other single guys(all eligible and attractive). Most women's dream night, because that means you are the center of attention, you get to regulate all the flirting, but that is not the case for me. And I am in no way trying to brag when I say that this arrangement (me hanging with a group of guys) is not uncommon. Its who I am. For whatever reason, I am pretty good at being the guys' best friend. Not to be confused with the Dog, who is Man's best friend. Though, I would not necessarily view that as a bad thing, in the right context. On with the point of the blog post...
Maybe its my sometimes dirty humor, maybe its my go-with-the-flow personality, or maybe its that I am not a drop dead gorgeous woman who makes guys uncomfortable. But for whatever reason, I find that I can establish great relationships with guys... as friends. Anything past that and I am completely lost.
I was recently told by a guy I had spent a year (that's a freakin marathon for me) getting to know, that he couldn't handle a long distance relationship so we had to end it. Most girls would cry and think, "What else could I have done to make it work?" or "Why doesn't he like me?" and all I can think is, "How can he not want something with me?" I may have a bit of an ego problem, but I will have to analyze that later. As much as I would have liked for it to work out with him, it still comes around to the fact that I can't find a man who likes me enough to be more than my friend. I KNOW I am not perfect, I am completely flawed, but I know I have some amazing qualities and I haven't found the right guy to share them with.
Is it too much to ask for a man who wants to take me out and treat me like a lady? Not tell a dirty or off color joke with the knowledge that there is a 90%, okay, 95% chance that I will laugh.
I don't think it is. But sadly, the men that are attracted to me are usually too shy to say anything, and my loud, boisterous personality may scare them away. And almost 100% of the time I interpret their shyness as not being interested.
There is this grown up woman inside of me that wants to come out, but I keep finding guys that are either too quiet to do anything, or they match my personality and we get along great, but there is not enough there to pursue any type of serious relationship. I guess that is the point of dating: date, move on, date, move on... until you find that person... Duh, Hannah.
Now some of you might be thinking, "Well Hannah, maybe if you didn't put yourself out there so much." Thats like telling... Barney Stinson to not be awesome. (See I told you, a little obsessed with the show.) or for those who don't know the reference, telling birds not to fly or fish not to swim. Its who they are and they can't change that.
I refuse to believe that I have to change who I am to get someone to love me. Not that I am excluding the constant changes we all must make in life to better ourselves. I whole-heartedly believe in those changes, I am more-so meaning changing my personality to better fit the social standards in order to get a guy to think I am relationship-worthy.
Well anyway, I think I am done ranting now. I don't want to give the impression that my guy friends mean nothing or that I don't value their friendships, I do, immensely. I think that is the point of my blog tonight, its just I have reached a point in my life where the friendships just aren't enough anymore. *Sigh* I need some chocolate.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The Mayan Calendar said this is where it ends... lets live it up!

Its the new year! Time for people to blog about their reflections on the past year and commit to resolutions that will be broken in a few months (if they are lucky).

Which is precisely why I am not making any resolutions this year. Every year I set out with goals, hopes, and dreams to accomplish during the year. And RARELY are they met. Not that they are missed completely, usually a fraction or a good chunk of the goal is met. Maybe its my commitment issues, maybe its my lack of motivation, or maybe its just my ADD, I can't focus long enough and I find other things to fill my time. Either way, I always seem to find myself in the same place every January. Re-evaluating and contemplating what is to come. I'm not complaining by any means, I always enjoy my life. It brings so many twists and turns and new adventures and friendships. Its just, I seem to always be thinking, "Well, this is not where I planned to be a year ago." For better, or for worse.

So here is my 2011 in review since my blogging was somewhat below standard...

- Spent the first part of the year in Vegas with my friends Karin and John, saw Le Reve and LOVED it.
- Moved living arrangements 3 different times. (Reaffirmed my hatred for moving)
- Little brother Jar Jar came home from his mission.
- Tried the online dating thing... as much as I hated the idea... it actually wasn't so bad. I only had one extremely awful experience, the rest were "meh" and one was really hopeful, but not looking like anything will come of it... sadly.
- Played on 3 different softball teams between summer and fall. LOVED every minute of it. I missed playing a lot.
- Continued to be the coolest person I know. :)
- Became an aunt for the 5th time to my cute little niece.
- Bought a smart phone... I am now considered "cool" by the worlds standards. Not so good for my love/hate relationship with Spacebook (facebook). Now it is more accessible, for me to love/hate.
- Married off a dozen or so friends and little brother Jar Jar.
- Went on 2 rafting trips this summer. Within like a month of eachother... weird. Though they were incredibly fun.
- Fell in love with How I Met Your Mother. Not to mention about a dozen other TV series.
- Said goodbye to my dog Emily at the end of August. It was the hardest decision of my entire life so far, but I know it was for the best. My heart still aches for her sometimes.
- Added at least 20 new bands/artists to my music repertoire.
- Did plenty of dog sitting/house sitting. Which always makes me happy, I met some of the most wonderful people and their dogs.
- Attended 2 writers conferences... yet still... my novel has yet to be finished... I know... I'm slacking big time.
- Made some AMAZING and lasting friendships that I will always cherish.
- Spent more money on my little truck than I care to ever spend on it again. Also put probably a good 50,000 miles on her.
- Watched way too many youtube and internet clips and continue to love them.
- Quit caffeine (a month ago) and still going strong!
- I made a grown man cry... not intentionally.
- Cut my hair... twice? I think? But I am trying to grow it out really long again.

Now I am just rambling random bits... As always, every year I learn new things about myself and the world around me. Of course it had its ups and downs, but with each experience I became a better person. Looking back, I had a pretty darn good year and I wouldn't change that for anything. I think the reason I don't want to make any resolutions is because I think trying to be better person, or making changes to your life so you can be happier or healthier should be a continual thing. Not that resolutions are bad, I just think that the hype of New Years is over rated. Even though it IS the beginning of a new year, I want to continue to be as honest with myself as I am with others; I want to continue to meet amazing people and let them enrich my life for the better; I want to leave enough room in my life to allow change; I want to learn more about who I am and strengthen my testimony in the gospel; I want to, finally, finish my book.... wait a minute... these are starting to sound a lot like resolutions... OH well, guess I couldn't escape them. :) Anyway, I guess what I am really getting at is I am so grateful for all the family, friends, and experiences I have been blessed with, I only hope that I can continue to be so blessed (when really, I rarely feel like I deserve it). I also hope all the same for all of you... all three of you who read this... :) Here's to 2012 and hopefully a better year for blogging!
This pretty much sums up my life.... I couldn't help myself, I had to post it. :)